Clearing my head of clutter

"Neatness was not one of the things he aimed at in life."
— The Cricket in Times Square, George Selden, 1960

Confession: I still live at home. "Home" as in my parent's house. I'm a working girl who loves her job — and hates the loans that her college education accrued. It makes me sick that half of my income goes straight to pay those bills every month. But that's just the way things are. Hence the living at home.

This morning my dad (God love him) had words with me about how (to sum up) I don't put in my oar. Though I've been known to cook or bake for my family and friends, I don't put an equal amount of effort into tidying up after myself. He's right — it's true. It's a fault of mine. I've always been scattered — not mentally, but state-of-living-ly. Stemming the clutter-flow isn't easy for me. Somehow (and I can't explain it): clothes pile up, bobby pins are everywhere, papers stand in piles, and (Dad rightfully gripes) I just don't vacuum.

It's nothing personal. It's not an act of rebellion. It's not my parents' fault. Maybe them blame themselves for my lack of tidiness and that's part of the problem. But it's not their problem really — it's mine. Granted I live under their roof and must do better to play by their rules (especially as there aren't many rules to follow in the first place — my parents are saint-like). But how? I'm just not sure. Making a schedule and sticking to it? Remembering how awful Dad makes me feel when he calls me out on my lack-of-vacuum? Again, I'm not sure how to fix it, and that is the problem. But I will conquer this. (As I look about my office, strewn with papers, beads, and empty disposable coffee cups...)

Regardless, sure, I will do my best to turn over a new leaf for the sake of my loving father. However, I have to chuckle and pat myself on the back (and much more so, praise my wonderful parents). Despite how bad Dad made me feel this morning with his "it's a privilege you live here," this is his worst complaint of me? That I don't vacuum enough? Kels, I said to myself, you're gonna be alright. There are worse things in this life than being messy. If clutter is my downfall, so be it. After all, neatness is not one of the things I aim at in life.